Have you ever felt so devastated because the person you love is in love with someone else? You probably felt as if all the hopes of being with that person was just a foolish illusion and that all the effort you've been through was just a waste of time. Honestly, would you have done the same thing over again?
I know a few people from my past would relate to this, and would probably say I don't look like anyone that may have caused something like this. But the funny thing about me is that before I even got here I used to be one of those heart breakers. I'm not so certail but I did break a few hearts back in college and never realized it until now.
I may have lost you on the second paragraph but do bear with me. Love does have a funny way of dealing with these stuff.
A few years ago I met this guy, James (not his real name) who was so close to someone I'd call Aya (not her real name either). So close that everyone thought that they were in a relationship. But what they did not know, he's in love with someone she never met personally and she was just his love adviser. A typical story for some and you'd definitely say he may have fallen in love with her. He did, but it never had that kind of ending you might be thinking of.
Aya, after being friends with James for roughly 3yrs fell in love with him. She knows it's hard for her to tell him what she feels because they were like bestfriends so she decided to ask him of what he feels for her only to find out that he sees her just as a friend. Assuming that he was still in love with someone else she decided to just move on with life and forget what she feels for him.
Aya falls in love with another guy who was one of her childhood friends and in a year they fell in love with each other. When James felt that he loves her and that he needs to tell her what he feels, it was too late, Aya was already over him. But as a friend Aya still gave him a chance, just so that she can see if she is still capable of falling for him only to find out that he was challenged with the other guy which may have triggered what he feels.
A few months later, Aya decides to be in a relationship with the guy. The first few weeks were okay, but in a month's time the relationship was like a stagnant water. It never was a relationship but was just a story that never started. Aya never told this to James, she knows that if she did James would be a knight in shining armor and that he'll never understand what really happened because the only thing she knows important to him was to make her commit to a relationship she was unsure of.
James and Aya remained friends who never communicate much during her hardest time, she never knew that he was still hoping they'd be together. By the time she felt she was in too deep because of her past relationship the only person she needed was a friend who'd not just understand her, but be patient with her. This was the time she met Luke (another fictional name) who helped her through.
Luke and Aya were both in a really bad relationship so it was easy for them to understand each other. They talked about things like life and dreams, and tried to stay away from the problems they both have. They enjoyed having a friend who trusts them besides their flaws and appreciated each other's success. In a few months they fell in love and both left they're problematic relationships behind and up until now, they are happy together.
You may be wondering how James is, he's still out there trying to find that one happiness he never had with Aya. He hasn't learned how to be sincere enough that girls would give him a second glance, one thing that I think Aya never saw from him. There was yes an unfinished business between them but I guess he's not really ready to be in a relationship.
If you're in love with someone don't focus on being a girlfriend or a boyfriend to them, but instead, be a friend they can count on. It's the only way they would give you a second glance. It's not with how he/she looks, it's with how you care for them, shower them with care and always be truthful. Trust yourself and tell them exactly how you feel, and never leave them alone. If you're in love, once you're hurt you need to bounce back. Learn to love yourself so you can love other people more. Most important of all, pray for your heart, so that when you're hurt it won't destroy your world.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Make It Work
When you're in a relationship for a long time there usually comes a time that you ask yourself "Am I still in love with the person that I am with?" and most people would agree that not all relationships continue to be steady once this question comes up.
If I was to answer the same question according to my opinion I'd say you love the person, but the feeling of being in-love may not be there anymore. I'm not a professional on any field that involves emotions and mental health so if you're looking for a sound idea from an opinionated person go ahead and read on.
Most of my married friends married their spouses for different reasons. Some say it's fate mainly because the first time they saw their mate they knew that this person is the one for me. For others it's simple because their mate complements everything they lack. Some would also say they are just compatible that they can't let this person slip away and that they are the best companion to spend a lifetime with. I'd say if I were to be married I'd do it for one reason, it makes me feel happy to wake up everyday beside that someone who reciprocates my love and is also my best buddy at the same time.
I've learned much from the past 3 years of being in a relationship and for those who are still single and are out dating, it is one roller coaster ride! I can't exagerate nor share less about it but I know one thing, to survive all the challenges both parties must learn what they call COMPROMISING... yes you read that right. :)
I remember one time during one of my out-of-town trips with my friends I asked them what they think about the word "COMPROMISE". Most of my friends, especially guy friends, answered that in a relationship this is the most sacrificial thing you can do for each other and that you'd end up hurting each other. There was only one person in the group who had a different opinion, making a compromise should not be defined as a sacrifice but rather as a sign that you understand each other. This is where two ways of making a compromise comes in.
In order to make a good agreement both parties should understand what they are getting in to. It's like weighing the PROs and CONs. You can't just agree to pick your girlfriend after office hours if you also have an appointment with your dentist at the same time you're picking her up. But if you're ditching the dentist appointment just to pick her up are you really sacrificing this because she'll be angry or are you sacrificing this because you know she was more important? And as a girlfriend, would you really be bratty and insist on it or would you really let him see the dentist because everyone needs to see the dentist once in a while? Makes sense?
How about this, you both know that one of you hates olives on their pizza. Would you care to pick out the olives from the pizza just to make them happy or are you going to let them eat the olives so that they'd learn to like that stuff?
No matter which side you take, as long as you're not happy with it you can't consider it as a good compromise. It's because you never let the other person hear you out. In order to make a good compromise you need to communicate your needs to your partner. On the other hand, you also need to understand your partner's needs. Relationship is built on trust but it can never work unless you both understand and listen to each other. It's not all love all the way but compromise and trust.
I still have much to learn with relationships but there's one thing I understand, you can never have a happy and fruitful relationship if you can't compromise with each other, give and take! It also isn't bad to give, but always remember that it is bad to always give. Know your limits and learn to compromise... make it work!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Thanks 2011!
2011 has made me realize one thing, I'm a quarter of a centennial old and I need to look back to the things that have made my past year ever so memorable...
To the people that I might have insulted, have brought pain to, or may have offended, my sincerest apologies. I never have intended any of it to happen.
To the people that admire me, thanks for always making me feel so confident about myself.
To the friends and colleagues that I have been with and forever will be loyal to, thank you for sharing your time and happy memories. FOr all the tears and laughter, and for all the pain we have shared together. Without you, 2011 would definitely be another blank chapter of my life. For the outings and out of towns that gave color to my vacations, and for the road trips and movies we shared, I hope we could do them again but better than what we have done. :)
To my bestfriend who has been with me for 2 decades, I hope that before you tie the knot this 2012 we could catch up with the things we never talked about. I know that in your big heart you still have much more to conquer, so do enjoy life and make the most of everyday. I hope that your remaining single days be filled with happy and a bit naughty memories which you will remember and laugh about when you settle down. Thanks for being there eventhough we seldom see each other, and thanks for the gelatos and pizzas and pasta! :D
To my grandparents, I miss you guys so much! The holidays are not enough to spend with you! I miss my grandpa Manings tummy and smile, and mama Precing's cooking. I miss papa Candro's stories and mama Glo's huggable physic. Im happy that I still have the best of both sides and still enjoy your company even for the smallest amount of time. I hope to see you more this 2012! :)
To my one and only guy who stood by me even during my worst, crankiest and wildest days, thanks. 2011 would be so boring without you. Though we don't see each other as often as we used to, I know in my heart that you miss the times that we eat breakfast and lunch together, and the sandwich that we share when you're too busy to eat. I miss those times we'd both be on weekend work because it was a part of our job and then end the day with a movie. But eventhough, I have felt that 2011 has been the most challenging year we shared. I pray we still have more years to spend together. Those 3 words can't be enough to say what I feel, so thanks with so much love from my heart to yours... for my love and my bestfriend :)
To my mom and sister who are always my number 1 fan. For being my critic when I try being a master chef at home and for being my guniea pigs when my cooking comes out well, thanks for being patient. For the Girls-Night-Out that we always enjoyed, and for the sushis and sashimis we always crave, I hope to find more time for these moments this 2012. For the ups and downs, glees and arguments, we still find ways to compromise and understand each other. I so love you both! :D and I so love the gibberish words we share. You're my bestfriends, my inspirations and my all. I hope we'd have another great year for 2012!
To my dad, Franklin Fagaragan, whom I never have seen for more than half of my life, thanks for giving a sperm to mom so I can be born. And thanks for another sperm so that I can also have a sister. I honestly do not expect to see you again but I am hoping from the bottom of my heart I would. I ended the year realizing that my life won't be the same if you were here with us, it may have turned out better or worst. But with this, I still am thankful that I had the priviledge to spend time with you, and to learn things from you. It's something that my little sister would never have and I can't blame her if someday she'd decide to find you. I hope you are happy wherever you are, and I hope someday you could atleast come home so that your parents would see you even for the last time.
For 2011 that has brought much more than I can ever imagine... My God has indeed given me much and I would always be so thankful for everything that I have. I may not be where I wanted to be, but I am right where I should be... with people who would always be a part of my life's book. For the next 366 days of my life, I hope whatever I can accomplish makes a difference to everyone that has been a part of me... :)
To the people that I might have insulted, have brought pain to, or may have offended, my sincerest apologies. I never have intended any of it to happen.
To the people that admire me, thanks for always making me feel so confident about myself.
To the friends and colleagues that I have been with and forever will be loyal to, thank you for sharing your time and happy memories. FOr all the tears and laughter, and for all the pain we have shared together. Without you, 2011 would definitely be another blank chapter of my life. For the outings and out of towns that gave color to my vacations, and for the road trips and movies we shared, I hope we could do them again but better than what we have done. :)
To my bestfriend who has been with me for 2 decades, I hope that before you tie the knot this 2012 we could catch up with the things we never talked about. I know that in your big heart you still have much more to conquer, so do enjoy life and make the most of everyday. I hope that your remaining single days be filled with happy and a bit naughty memories which you will remember and laugh about when you settle down. Thanks for being there eventhough we seldom see each other, and thanks for the gelatos and pizzas and pasta! :D
To my grandparents, I miss you guys so much! The holidays are not enough to spend with you! I miss my grandpa Manings tummy and smile, and mama Precing's cooking. I miss papa Candro's stories and mama Glo's huggable physic. Im happy that I still have the best of both sides and still enjoy your company even for the smallest amount of time. I hope to see you more this 2012! :)
To my one and only guy who stood by me even during my worst, crankiest and wildest days, thanks. 2011 would be so boring without you. Though we don't see each other as often as we used to, I know in my heart that you miss the times that we eat breakfast and lunch together, and the sandwich that we share when you're too busy to eat. I miss those times we'd both be on weekend work because it was a part of our job and then end the day with a movie. But eventhough, I have felt that 2011 has been the most challenging year we shared. I pray we still have more years to spend together. Those 3 words can't be enough to say what I feel, so thanks with so much love from my heart to yours... for my love and my bestfriend :)
To my mom and sister who are always my number 1 fan. For being my critic when I try being a master chef at home and for being my guniea pigs when my cooking comes out well, thanks for being patient. For the Girls-Night-Out that we always enjoyed, and for the sushis and sashimis we always crave, I hope to find more time for these moments this 2012. For the ups and downs, glees and arguments, we still find ways to compromise and understand each other. I so love you both! :D and I so love the gibberish words we share. You're my bestfriends, my inspirations and my all. I hope we'd have another great year for 2012!
To my dad, Franklin Fagaragan, whom I never have seen for more than half of my life, thanks for giving a sperm to mom so I can be born. And thanks for another sperm so that I can also have a sister. I honestly do not expect to see you again but I am hoping from the bottom of my heart I would. I ended the year realizing that my life won't be the same if you were here with us, it may have turned out better or worst. But with this, I still am thankful that I had the priviledge to spend time with you, and to learn things from you. It's something that my little sister would never have and I can't blame her if someday she'd decide to find you. I hope you are happy wherever you are, and I hope someday you could atleast come home so that your parents would see you even for the last time.
For 2011 that has brought much more than I can ever imagine... My God has indeed given me much and I would always be so thankful for everything that I have. I may not be where I wanted to be, but I am right where I should be... with people who would always be a part of my life's book. For the next 366 days of my life, I hope whatever I can accomplish makes a difference to everyone that has been a part of me... :)
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